I wrote a guest post for a great blog called Sex, Lies, and dating in the City by Simone Grant (check it out, it’s very well done).  The story was about how you can have blinders in a relationship.  Here it is:

To this day I still can’t figure out what it is about being infatuated with someone that allows one to become so oblivious to seeing red flags.  I’ve personally always lived my dating life to a three red flag system.  It normally never fails me: three flags and you’re out.

Some of my previous red flags have included a girl handing me a toothbrush the next morning (first night together) saying “I always have a spare toothbrush for my overnight guests.”  Really?  When did I check into a hotel?  To a girl who spoke the entire time during a date and allowed enough gap in the conversation for three words:  “Hi.” and “Check please.”.

This one girl in particular that I dated, Sarah, was my devil in a red dress. Despite the abundance of flags thrown, I wore my blinders on snugly and marched forward.

Sarah met my entire checklist from the beginning, everything I wanted in a girl had finally presented itself to me.  Regardless, it was doomed from the start.  I had two feet in the door; she, on the other hand, had one foot firmly planted out.

One moment that stands out in my head was about six months into the game.

I had taken her to a Detroit vs. Chicago hockey game, and both of us are Detroit native’s so we were rattling the Chicago crowd during every goal.  It was a serious connection and we had a ton of fun drinking and talking smack to all the people around us.

After the game, we met up with a bunch of my friends at a bar, including friends from out of town.

She stepped away from my group and walked towards the bar.  Some guy started talking to her and I noticed her pull up a chair.  I am not the jealous type, so I let it slide.  5 minutes… 10 minutes… 20 minutes… 40 minutes… still talking to him, and at this point, obviously flirting.  I step up and do the “what’s going on?” as if I hadn’t seen her in weeks, hoping she’ll read the burning inferno that torched behind my eyes.  She looks at me and exclaimed “I’m just flirting, aren’t we allowed to flirt?  We talked about this before, and there is nothing wrong with innocent flirting.”  *Red Flag 1*

Now to her credit, I am a social guy myself, and we had talked about how both of us are cool with innocent flirting to a degree because we’re both social.  Normally it doesn’t matter because at the end of the night, you’re going home together.

Ten minutes of flirting is one thing, but having some guy buy you drinks and spending over an hour talking to some guy?  She might as well have had my jewels in a jar on her desk.

She proceeds to get completely hammered and we end up leaving at the end of the night together.  She blacks out and passes out cold in the cab.  After convincing the cab driver that I wasn’t a molester that wanted to take advantage of this “poor” girl, I carried her up the three flights of stairs like a sack of potatoes and dumped her in my room. *Red Flag 2*

She then screams out an ex-boyfriend’s (turned best friend) name while I’m trying to give her water. *Red Flag 3*

Before the night is out, she emptied her booze filled belly all over my carpet. *Red Flag 4*

The next morning she apologized a few times and walked out of my apartment.  I didn’t say much to her at all because I was quite speechless after the embarrassment and puke marathon that occurred in my room.

She apologized profusely, and despite the situation replicating the flag girls of China at the Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony, I still took her back and dated her until she left town.

Why would I do such a thing?  After that treatment and flat out disrespect?

Because I liked her.

And when you like someone, just as the bright sun can blind your eyes despite its warmth, I couldn’t see anything in front of me besides the way I felt.  I felt as if it was meant to be, despite all its imperfections.

We talk occasionally now, but I realize that it is and will always be a friendship at best.  In the end, I learned that blinders are a natural part of the game… and in hindsight I don’t regret the decisions I made.  However, I now realize that I should listen to my gut instinct the first time around and trust that official in charge when it comes to flag throwing.