Take a deep breath and calm yourself.  Here’s a shot of morphine… feel a little better?  So that crazy ex of yours is hanging outside your window with binoculars.  From the 14 text messages an hour, 2AM pop-ins at your apartment, and that sudden spike in searches on the internet for your name, you’re tempted to quarantine yourself from society.

Even the city traffic camera’s are beginning to look suspicious…   what was that flash!?  Was that a ticket or just the next glamour shot for their shrine?

But before you change your name, move to China, and get a job to applying ‘Made in China’ stickers to the bottom of porcelain figurines, try these tips and see if you can shake them off your tail.

• Slowly increase the time between responses to calls and texts.  The longer time between, the better.  Slowly increase and proceed to complete the phase out.
• Fake a mental breakdown.  Tell them you can’t handle the serious relationship right now and use that old paper bag for a hyperventilating extravaganza.   If it’s not enough, start swatting at invisible flies.
• Get an opposite sex friend and plan a “date” for both at the same time.  Seeing that you can’t be trusted and that you are obviously playing the field, they’ll be more inclined to start carving someone else’s name into the side of trees.
• Been around the block?  Well now you have.  Tell that nut job that you’re the town trolley and the show’s not stopping anytime soon.  Clingers tend to flock towards the settlers.   A loose cannon like yourself would be too tall of an order to chase.

Break it to them gently, or rip it off like a band-aid.  Like the common cold, each clinger has its own mutated strand, so there isn’t unfortunately isn’t a pill that you can swallow to make them disappear.

Use these tactics… dodge, maneuver, and hold on to your hat!   Good luck!