Sometimes, people just don’t have the guts to break up with their latest crush in person.  While there are certain rules to when this can and cannot be done, generally speaking, if the relationship is very young (a couple weeks), it is not necessary to break up with someone in person.  But what happens if you know it won’t work with this person and have no desire to call them up and let them know they didn’t make the cut? (no guts, yes. does it still happen? absolutely.)

Enter: The Phase Out

The phase out occurs when you gradually remove this person from your life.  Like a dying heartbeat, the tempo and rhythm of the short lived relationship pace themselves slower and slower.  Text messages become ‘no-response’ statements instead of questions and phone calls become a rare gem.  While there is nothing you can do on the receiving end of a phase out (dust yourself off kid and get back out there!), there are a couple keys when implementing it so you don’t come off as a complete jerk (or bitch).

1. Have a plan – Once you decide that watching paint dry is more entertaining than this person, commence the phase out and stick to it.  Start hitting the brakes and slow that train down.
2. Keep it gradual - Slow and steady wins the race (or in this case, douses the flame).  Draw out the texts and ease up on the calls.  Baby steps.
3. Avoid weekend dates – If you’re going to hang out, hang out during the week.  Weekends are prime real-estate, and you don’t want to play with fire after drinking… which leads to…
4. Don’t have a sleep over – This just resets the clock at zero.  Everytime you get it on between the sheets, it sends a signal to the other person you’re in it to win it.
5. Axe the late night calls and drunk texts – “What you up to?” at 2am isn’t as innocent as your drunk mind convinces you.  Have a little restraint or else you’re back at square one and just extending the phase out.

Whatever your opinion of the phase out might be, it’s still a tactic that is used in the streets of Chicago and many other cities around the globe.  Do you phase out?  Have you been phased out?  Share your thoughts in the comment section!

Living in the city has some great perks.  We have the beach at a stone’s throw, festivals to fancy anyone’s delight, and different nightlife activities to cater to even the unique of circles.

This leads to meeting many different kinds of people… tall, short, strange, beautiful, different races, religions, ethnicities, and so on…  Which helps us create a mental checklist of things we want and don’t want in a potential partner.

Straddling the line of staying in the game and being kicked to the curb, lies the deal-breakers.  With so many options, which breakers are valid, and which are part of your own neurosis? (more…)

Don’t dip your pen in company ink.

Don’t $hit where you eat.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water….  wait… that last one didn’t make any sense.

Everyone says that it is a terrible idea to date a co-worker.  Obvious reasons include if they go psycho on you, you have no where to hide.  Maybe it’ll change the work dynamic and make it terribly awkward for you and the rest of the office.

It could also end up putting your ‘feel goods’ in a vice if one of you gets promoted and has to deal with not only who wears the pants in the relationship, but now the office as well.

Even though it’s frowned upon, it happens all the time.  Spending hours upon hours a day with someone that you’re even mildly attracted to can make your mind wander to that dirty gutter that flows so freely.

If you do decide to venture down this much traveled path, just remember a few things: (more…)

The success of a night out on the town is completely in the eye of the beholder.  Some gauge it on the pleasant conversation, some the chemistry and future prospect, and others… the horizontal tango.  Often times during that first encounter, the act of slowly becoming three sheets to the wind is briskly followed by an intimate encounter between the sheets.

So what’s next?

Besides the sometimes awkward exchange in the morning, trying to remember their name, or possibly floating on cloud nine (or stumbling across it), one might often wonder… does this have any real potential? (more…)

So I wrote this post awhile ago, but I realize I should have timed it a little better because it is a little cold to do this now.  Maybe we’ll have a lucky day somewhere in here where you can actually try this out.  Or if you’re like those polar bear swimmers, you can just muscle through the cold and get after it.

Somewhere between that Architecture tour and dyeing the river green on St. Patrick’s Day, you’ve seen people floating down the river where it seems they have no business floating.  I’m not referring to dead bodies that the mob disposed (cement, remember?), I’m referring to the happy go lucky people floating in kayaks.

This week’s date idea is kayaking.

Let’s break it down:

Pro’s

Unique - This isn’t your typical dinner and drinks date.  Something fresh will keep you both on your toes, even if you’re both beginners. (more…)

Before you hop on that horse and gallop out into the sunset with your damsel, there will be a few key plays that you’ll need to be aware of that can greatly shift her perception of you.  One of these plays is early on is the first group hang out session: her group or yours.

Which should you do?  What’s the better move?  Did you have to eat chili for lunch?  All valid questions… let’s take a closer peek.

(more…)

I received this forward the other day and it’s too funny not to share.  This was apparently written by little kids (and my thoughts).

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”

• Alan, age 10 (don’t forget beer pal)

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”

• Kristen, age 10 (my dating a religious person article is for you)

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.”

• Camille, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.”

• Freddie, age 6 (have fun at that star trek convention) (more…)

“He’s my best friend and you’re either OK with that or you’re not.”

“I love him, but I’m not in love with him.”

“We have such a long history, there is no separating us, he will be in my life forever.”

Any of these sound familiar?

It’s in the back of your mind and you just can’t seem to shake it loose.  It’s not as if you’re talking to any of your ex-girlfriends anymore.  Every girl that has been in your past, has quietly bowed out with her time.  There are no phone calls, there are no text messages, and there surely aren’t any thoughts that pass through your head which incline you to reach out to them.

Her situation is quite the opposite. (more…)

The first few times you hang out with someone, the air is filled with ‘getting to know you’ moments.  “You love Wilco too!?  I have their entire discography!”, “You have two brothers and a sister?  That’s crazy, I have two sisters and a brother!  We’re a match made in heaven!”.

Before you know it, you’re being asked to hold their nephew’s legs at the Bris, or you’re hauled off to church in order to absolve your sins.

There is nothing wrong with following your faith if it makes you happy.  But what’s the path to righteousness if you’re not religious and the person you start dating is their respective religions favorite customer? (more…)

Things are on the up and up.  You’re on a steady once a week hang out, frequent phone calls, and the text messages are beginning to get the everyday vibe.  Just when you think things are running smooth… Bam!  It hits you like that surprise bar tab you pull out of your pocket the next morning that rings more than just a couple digits.  Just my luck!!

A birthday.

If only it were back in the good old days.  Gather all your friends for cake and ice cream, smack around a pinata filled with candy, and play some pin the tail on the donkey.  Even if you pinned that elusive donkey’s head, you still go home at the end of the day satisfied and smiling.

Now, its a delicate game of thin ice.  Too many marbles, and the house comes falling down.  Too few, and she’ll wonder if you’re even interested in playing the game. (more…)