You’ve just started talking to this girl and it’s still fresh… maybe just a month or two.  A handful of dates and a couple sleepovers.  During your disheveled stay at her place, you’ve met the roommate and the playful banter has begun to move one notch above ‘friendly’ in your mind.  You may find yourself laughing with her more, have a easier flowing conversation, or even simply find her more attractive.

Entree envy.

This puts you in a very sticky situation.  What are you going to do if the roommate is a better fit for you than the original?

You need to put that thinking cap on and make an executive decision.  If it’s new and you’re already checking out other girls, is the original girl really a keeper?  Draw a line in the sand and pick your side quickly.

If you decide that you’re not feeling the original relationship, break it off immediately.  Wait an appropriate time, maybe a month or more, before you approach your new crush: the roommate.

Otherwise, if you decide that you like the original girl better, cut ties and especially the flirtatious side with the roommate.  You don’t want that mess on their hands.  With most roommate situations, there is full disclosure, and if you push too hard you could get burned.

Remember if you break it off like a jerk, such as implementing the phase out, you could hurt your chances of picking up the roommate later on down the line.  Tread carefully!

The switcheroo is a difficult act to pull off, but it can be done if done with extreme care, planning, and precision.

Have you ever been through something like this?  Did you successfully pull it off?  Sound off in the comments below!

Finding potential love interests tend to come in waves.  Both sexes have an extraordinary sense of hunting the other when they’re taken.  Call it dumb luck, a hormonal hurricane, or simply confidence.

So what are you to do when you’re dating a few different people at the same time?

At the beginning, your confidence is riding high.  You like all of them, and you’re not sure which to cut.  So you continue to juggle all of them throughout your week.  Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday… the days are filling up quickly, and the pressure is increasing due to you keeping them all a secret.

Unlike The Bachelor, you aren’t required to eliminate them each week… but it may be a good idea.

Be wary on the extent of how far you go with each of them.  You don’t want to be the town bicycle that’s sleeping with three people at once.  The line of discretion enters once you have slept with someone.  Other than that, if you are just hanging out and dating, make sure all parties know you’re not in for a serious relationship.

Being honest, with yourself and others, is the key in this situation.  With others, make sure they know you’re not tied down at the moment.   And if things get too far, make sure you either cut the others, or let them know that you’re seeing other people.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing the field, it’s best to evaluate and eliminate.  Figure out quickly and use your focus on one person.  Talking to multiple people is a great way to figure out what you like and what you don’t like.  Ride that wave… just make sure you pack that protection.  Sun tan lotion is always a must!

Enter: The Phase Out

The phase out occurs when you gradually remove this person from your life.  Like a dying heartbeat, the tempo and rhythm of the short lived relationship pace themselves slower and slower.  Text messages become ‘no-response’ statements instead of questions and phone calls become a rare gem.  While there is nothing you can do on the receiving end of a phase out (dust yourself off kid and get back out there!), there are a couple keys when implementing it so you don’t come off as a complete jerk (or bitch).

1. Have a plan – Once you decide that watching paint dry is more entertaining than this person, commence the phase out and stick to it.  Start hitting the brakes and slow that train down.
2. Keep it gradual - Slow and steady wins the race (or in this case, douses the flame).  Draw out the texts and ease up on the calls.  Baby steps.
3. Avoid weekend dates – If you’re going to hang out, hang out during the week.  Weekends are prime real-estate, and you don’t want to play with fire after drinking… which leads to…
4. Don’t have a sleep over – This just resets the clock at zero.  Everytime you get it on between the sheets, it sends a signal to the other person you’re in it to win it.
5. Axe the late night calls and drunk texts – “What you up to?” at 2am isn’t as innocent as your drunk mind convinces you.  Have a little restraint or else you’re back at square one and just extending the phase out.

Whatever your opinion of the phase out might be, it’s still a tactic that is used in the streets of Chicago and many other cities around the globe.  Do you phase out?  Have you been phased out?  Share your thoughts in the comment section!

This leads to meeting many different kinds of people… tall, short, strange, beautiful, different races, religions, ethnicities, and so on…  Which helps us create a mental checklist of things we want and don’t want in a potential partner.

Straddling the line of staying in the game and being kicked to the curb, lies the deal-breakers.  With so many options, which breakers are valid, and which are part of your own neurosis?

The Core Checklist

These are the mainstay of your livelihood.  Whether its religion, family values, or perhaps even race, nothing is going to shake the roots of this tree.  Keep these values strong and do your best not to waver from them.  Dating is hard enough as it is without having huge looming back-breakers tracing your mind on a daily basis.

Even though one could be open minded, both parties must have their heads and hearts open in order for this to have a shot.

If she’s a hardcore Catholic, and he’s a practicing Muslim, realize that both of you aren’t going to be praying to the same forces when the Cubs are down by a run.  Like the wailing baby on an airplane, the core checklist is difficult to ignore, even if you blast your Ipod, you’re still killing your ear-drums.

The Adaptables

So she doesn’t like the savoring glory that is Taco Bell, and he’s Big Foot’s long lost cousin with that sweater he calls hair.  While these tribulations may be more annoying than the old lady’s purse that’s digging into your side on a packed El to work, you have to learn to let it sliiiiiiiide!  Give the situation a second glance before you execute your decision to kick them out the door.

Adaptables are called such because you can adapt to them!  Ease up and you may find that even if she’s a valley girl who says ‘like’ every other word, and he has excessively sweaty palms, that good could outweigh the bad.

You could even get used to it and find it to be one of the things you really enjoy about the other person.

The X-factors

“His nose hairs are scraping my face when we kiss.”

“She wears so much makeup, I feel like I’m dating Bozo the clown’s daughter.”

Neither of you are perfect, get over it.  The X-factors are the little things that can be adjusted over time.  While they may be glaring problems to kick it off, they’re usually more problems in your head than they are in reality.  If they chew with their mouth open, a disguised joke saying that food looks better after they’ve chewed it, and boom… problem solved.

Deal-breakers will always be part of the dating arena.  It’s a huge multi-headed beast which you must face on your journey.  If you don’t realize you’re being overdramatic, you could find yourself in a boat alone; missing that perfect soul that may exist… but is just a little disguised.

To this day I still can’t figure out what it is about being infatuated with someone that allows one to become so oblivious to seeing red flags.  I’ve personally always lived my dating life to a three red flag system.  It normally never fails me: three flags and you’re out.

Some of my previous red flags have included a girl handing me a toothbrush the next morning (first night together) saying “I always have a spare toothbrush for my overnight guests.”  Really?  When did I check into a hotel?  To a girl who spoke the entire time during a date and allowed enough gap in the conversation for three words:  “Hi.” and “Check please.”.

This one girl in particular that I dated, Sarah, was my devil in a red dress. Despite the abundance of flags thrown, I wore my blinders on snugly and marched forward.

Sarah met my entire checklist from the beginning, everything I wanted in a girl had finally presented itself to me.  Regardless, it was doomed from the start.  I had two feet in the door; she, on the other hand, had one foot firmly planted out.

One moment that stands out in my head was about six months into the game.

I had taken her to a Detroit vs. Chicago hockey game, and both of us are Detroit native’s so we were rattling the Chicago crowd during every goal.  It was a serious connection and we had a ton of fun drinking and talking smack to all the people around us.

After the game, we met up with a bunch of my friends at a bar, including friends from out of town.

She stepped away from my group and walked towards the bar.  Some guy started talking to her and I noticed her pull up a chair.  I am not the jealous type, so I let it slide.  5 minutes… 10 minutes… 20 minutes… 40 minutes… still talking to him, and at this point, obviously flirting.  I step up and do the “what’s going on?” as if I hadn’t seen her in weeks, hoping she’ll read the burning inferno that torched behind my eyes.  She looks at me and exclaimed “I’m just flirting, aren’t we allowed to flirt?  We talked about this before, and there is nothing wrong with innocent flirting.”  *Red Flag 1*

Now to her credit, I am a social guy myself, and we had talked about how both of us are cool with innocent flirting to a degree because we’re both social.  Normally it doesn’t matter because at the end of the night, you’re going home together.

Ten minutes of flirting is one thing, but having some guy buy you drinks and spending over an hour talking to some guy?  She might as well have had my jewels in a jar on her desk.

She proceeds to get completely hammered and we end up leaving at the end of the night together.  She blacks out and passes out cold in the cab.  After convincing the cab driver that I wasn’t a molester that wanted to take advantage of this “poor” girl, I carried her up the three flights of stairs like a sack of potatoes and dumped her in my room. *Red Flag 2*

She then screams out an ex-boyfriend’s (turned best friend) name while I’m trying to give her water. *Red Flag 3*

Before the night is out, she emptied her booze filled belly all over my carpet. *Red Flag 4*

The next morning she apologized a few times and walked out of my apartment.  I didn’t say much to her at all because I was quite speechless after the embarrassment and puke marathon that occurred in my room.

She apologized profusely, and despite the situation replicating the flag girls of China at the Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony, I still took her back and dated her until she left town.

Why would I do such a thing?  After that treatment and flat out disrespect?

Because I liked her.

And when you like someone, just as the bright sun can blind your eyes despite its warmth, I couldn’t see anything in front of me besides the way I felt.  I felt as if it was meant to be, despite all its imperfections.

We talk occasionally now, but I realize that it is and will always be a friendship at best.  In the end, I learned that blinders are a natural part of the game… and in hindsight I don’t regret the decisions I made.  However, I now realize that I should listen to my gut instinct the first time around and trust that official in charge when it comes to flag throwing.

The Vic Theatre is typically a concert hall but on their off nights they’ll use the space to project a movie and fill your belly with cheap beer.

They play solid movies that range from new releases (the Hangover-which if you haven’t seen it, get out from under your rock and GO) to classics like Animal House and Office Space.

Here’s a link to their website: Brew and View

Overall – 4/5 Stars

Here’s the part that threw me off my game.  The past few weeks while I’ve been out, I’ve had two girls walk up to me and say “Want to buy me a drink?”.  Personally, the first thought that goes through my head is “Are you serious?  Get lost lady.”  Do guys actually fall for this?  No matter how attractive or unattractive the girl is in this situation, I find it to be completely obnoxious and she’s thrown all credibility out of the window faster than a starving fat kid devouring chocolate cake.

If I were going to buy a girl a drink, it would be after we’d been talking for awhile and there is obvious chemistry or solid conversation.

Ladies, do you actually see any success with this?  Or are these ladies just crazy?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

So what’s next?

Besides the sometimes awkward exchange in the morning, trying to remember their name, or possibly floating on cloud nine (or stumbling across it), one might often wonder… does this have any real potential?

Even though you may have had a glorious night filled with romantic moments and amazing conversation.  The stake has been firmly planted into the ground.  The future is now.

This day and age we lived in a push-button, fast paced, always on the go environment.  And because of your suave moves and fatal attraction, the relationship will never be able to build appropriately due to the pressure cooker that shot off before it had a chance to cook.

There are many different levels that a relationship thrives on… emotional, intrinsic, physical, etc.   If the physical aspect rears its head before anything else starts, that can throw a serious wrench in the rest of the situation.

Even if the sex is crazy good, leaving footprints on the walls and forcing you to re-install the swinging light fixture, it’ll be too difficult to get the rest of the levels back on track because you’ll only be thinking about one thing… getting down and dirty.

So depending on what you’re looking for out of this person, slam on that accelerator, or begin the act of pleasure delaying.  Waiting can be one very tough play to execute, especially if the chemistry is off the charts.

Or just go with the flow and get it over with… just don’t forget to wipe the walls down after you’re done.

Best line: “I deserve love like everyone else! I dont need to rummage through the dumpster for a playboy!!!!!!”

While this is a fake video, I wouldn’t be shocked to see some people actually do this.  Seen any that are too good to not share?  Send them over or post them in the comment section!

Many say it can’t be done, citing the inherent need to procreate that is hardwired in each and every one of us… men AND women.

The fact that one can very easily become attracted to someone after spending a large amount of time with them doesn’t help by adding fuel to the fire.  This is one of the major reasons why workplace flirting and banter often leads to wedding bands and white picket fences.

Well I’ll say it here folks – It CAN be done.  It just takes a few key moments and a mature confidence in order to pull off.  Follow these simple steps, and you could have that opposite sex ally in no time!

Step One – The point of sexual tension

This moment occurs fairly quickly after the pair meet.  When you begin to spend time with someone and start down the path of getting to know each other, one party is 99% of the time attracted to the other on some level.  One may genuinely want to be friends (sorry, not interested), while the other wants a little more.  This point occurs when the tension gets too great: a talk of one wanting the relationship to be more, one tries to make a move, or even a random hook-up session.  Once this is done, the path leads to the not interested partner saying they “just want to be friends” or the pair dating for awhile and eventually leading nowhere.   Now most times this is where the relationship ends, one party walks away frustrated, while the other can genuinely feel as if they’ve lost a good friend.

Step Two – Be mature and understand the situation

People date, people break up.  It’s as sure as death and taxes.  While of course this isn’t always the case, it will definitely happen to most people.  If you had a good time with the person and you mutually brought happiness to each other, understand that, and use it to both of your benefit.   Having an opposite friends is like having a spy on the opposing team.  They know more and can help you navigate the unknown intricacies of the opposite sex.  Once you realize that despite your wanting to be with the other person that it’s not going anywhere, step up and change your views to an actual friendship… just remember, this card remains in the hands of the person who initially wanted more.

Step Three – Build the friendship

Treat the opposite sex friend as if they were one of your old friends.  The important key here is to take it slow.  Start out with group activities to show that while you don’t want one on one time, you’re accepting them as a person and truly enjoy their company.  Girls, while the guy may not come with you to the salon to get his nails done, you could play wingman/wingwoman for each other on your night out with your friends.  Guys, asking her to watch the football game at your place while you get hammered with your boys may not be the ideal situation, but coming to your place to grill out on a nice afternoon with a big group is a smart innocent play.

There you have it, follow these steps as a guideline to kick off that friendship.  Remember, a friendship is very much like a relationship.

It involves trust, communication, the ability to share a bond, and taking time to grow.  You have to want the friendship to work if you expect it to.

What do you think?  Can it be done?