You’ve just started talking to this girl and it’s still fresh… maybe just a month or two.  A handful of dates and a couple sleepovers.  During your disheveled stay at her place, you’ve met the roommate and the playful banter has begun to move one notch above ‘friendly’ in your mind.  You may find yourself laughing with her more, have a easier flowing conversation, or even simply find her more attractive.

Entree envy.

This puts you in a very sticky situation.  What are you going to do if the roommate is a better fit for you than the original?

You need to put that thinking cap on and make an executive decision.  If it’s new and you’re already checking out other girls, is the original girl really a keeper?  Draw a line in the sand and pick your side quickly.

If you decide that you’re not feeling the original relationship, break it off immediately.  Wait an appropriate time, maybe a month or more, before you approach your new crush: the roommate.

Otherwise, if you decide that you like the original girl better, cut ties and especially the flirtatious side with the roommate.  You don’t want that mess on their hands.  With most roommate situations, there is full disclosure, and if you push too hard you could get burned.

Remember if you break it off like a jerk, such as implementing the phase out, you could hurt your chances of picking up the roommate later on down the line.  Tread carefully!

The switcheroo is a difficult act to pull off, but it can be done if done with extreme care, planning, and precision.

Have you ever been through something like this?  Did you successfully pull it off?  Sound off in the comments below!

Finding potential love interests tend to come in waves.  Both sexes have an extraordinary sense of hunting the other when they’re taken.  Call it dumb luck, a hormonal hurricane, or simply confidence.

So what are you to do when you’re dating a few different people at the same time?

At the beginning, your confidence is riding high.  You like all of them, and you’re not sure which to cut.  So you continue to juggle all of them throughout your week.  Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday… the days are filling up quickly, and the pressure is increasing due to you keeping them all a secret.

Unlike The Bachelor, you aren’t required to eliminate them each week… but it may be a good idea.

Be wary on the extent of how far you go with each of them.  You don’t want to be the town bicycle that’s sleeping with three people at once.  The line of discretion enters once you have slept with someone.  Other than that, if you are just hanging out and dating, make sure all parties know you’re not in for a serious relationship.

Being honest, with yourself and others, is the key in this situation.  With others, make sure they know you’re not tied down at the moment.   And if things get too far, make sure you either cut the others, or let them know that you’re seeing other people.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing the field, it’s best to evaluate and eliminate.  Figure out quickly and use your focus on one person.  Talking to multiple people is a great way to figure out what you like and what you don’t like.  Ride that wave… just make sure you pack that protection.  Sun tan lotion is always a must!

To this day I still can’t figure out what it is about being infatuated with someone that allows one to become so oblivious to seeing red flags.  I’ve personally always lived my dating life to a three red flag system.  It normally never fails me: three flags and you’re out.

Some of my previous red flags have included a girl handing me a toothbrush the next morning (first night together) saying “I always have a spare toothbrush for my overnight guests.”  Really?  When did I check into a hotel?  To a girl who spoke the entire time during a date and allowed enough gap in the conversation for three words:  “Hi.” and “Check please.”.

This one girl in particular that I dated, Sarah, was my devil in a red dress. Despite the abundance of flags thrown, I wore my blinders on snugly and marched forward.

Sarah met my entire checklist from the beginning, everything I wanted in a girl had finally presented itself to me.  Regardless, it was doomed from the start.  I had two feet in the door; she, on the other hand, had one foot firmly planted out.

One moment that stands out in my head was about six months into the game.

I had taken her to a Detroit vs. Chicago hockey game, and both of us are Detroit native’s so we were rattling the Chicago crowd during every goal.  It was a serious connection and we had a ton of fun drinking and talking smack to all the people around us.

After the game, we met up with a bunch of my friends at a bar, including friends from out of town.

She stepped away from my group and walked towards the bar.  Some guy started talking to her and I noticed her pull up a chair.  I am not the jealous type, so I let it slide.  5 minutes… 10 minutes… 20 minutes… 40 minutes… still talking to him, and at this point, obviously flirting.  I step up and do the “what’s going on?” as if I hadn’t seen her in weeks, hoping she’ll read the burning inferno that torched behind my eyes.  She looks at me and exclaimed “I’m just flirting, aren’t we allowed to flirt?  We talked about this before, and there is nothing wrong with innocent flirting.”  *Red Flag 1*

Now to her credit, I am a social guy myself, and we had talked about how both of us are cool with innocent flirting to a degree because we’re both social.  Normally it doesn’t matter because at the end of the night, you’re going home together.

Ten minutes of flirting is one thing, but having some guy buy you drinks and spending over an hour talking to some guy?  She might as well have had my jewels in a jar on her desk.

She proceeds to get completely hammered and we end up leaving at the end of the night together.  She blacks out and passes out cold in the cab.  After convincing the cab driver that I wasn’t a molester that wanted to take advantage of this “poor” girl, I carried her up the three flights of stairs like a sack of potatoes and dumped her in my room. *Red Flag 2*

She then screams out an ex-boyfriend’s (turned best friend) name while I’m trying to give her water. *Red Flag 3*

Before the night is out, she emptied her booze filled belly all over my carpet. *Red Flag 4*

The next morning she apologized a few times and walked out of my apartment.  I didn’t say much to her at all because I was quite speechless after the embarrassment and puke marathon that occurred in my room.

She apologized profusely, and despite the situation replicating the flag girls of China at the Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony, I still took her back and dated her until she left town.

Why would I do such a thing?  After that treatment and flat out disrespect?

Because I liked her.

And when you like someone, just as the bright sun can blind your eyes despite its warmth, I couldn’t see anything in front of me besides the way I felt.  I felt as if it was meant to be, despite all its imperfections.

We talk occasionally now, but I realize that it is and will always be a friendship at best.  In the end, I learned that blinders are a natural part of the game… and in hindsight I don’t regret the decisions I made.  However, I now realize that I should listen to my gut instinct the first time around and trust that official in charge when it comes to flag throwing.

Many say it can’t be done, citing the inherent need to procreate that is hardwired in each and every one of us… men AND women.

The fact that one can very easily become attracted to someone after spending a large amount of time with them doesn’t help by adding fuel to the fire.  This is one of the major reasons why workplace flirting and banter often leads to wedding bands and white picket fences.

Well I’ll say it here folks – It CAN be done.  It just takes a few key moments and a mature confidence in order to pull off.  Follow these simple steps, and you could have that opposite sex ally in no time!

Step One – The point of sexual tension

This moment occurs fairly quickly after the pair meet.  When you begin to spend time with someone and start down the path of getting to know each other, one party is 99% of the time attracted to the other on some level.  One may genuinely want to be friends (sorry, not interested), while the other wants a little more.  This point occurs when the tension gets too great: a talk of one wanting the relationship to be more, one tries to make a move, or even a random hook-up session.  Once this is done, the path leads to the not interested partner saying they “just want to be friends” or the pair dating for awhile and eventually leading nowhere.   Now most times this is where the relationship ends, one party walks away frustrated, while the other can genuinely feel as if they’ve lost a good friend.

Step Two – Be mature and understand the situation

People date, people break up.  It’s as sure as death and taxes.  While of course this isn’t always the case, it will definitely happen to most people.  If you had a good time with the person and you mutually brought happiness to each other, understand that, and use it to both of your benefit.   Having an opposite friends is like having a spy on the opposing team.  They know more and can help you navigate the unknown intricacies of the opposite sex.  Once you realize that despite your wanting to be with the other person that it’s not going anywhere, step up and change your views to an actual friendship… just remember, this card remains in the hands of the person who initially wanted more.

Step Three – Build the friendship

Treat the opposite sex friend as if they were one of your old friends.  The important key here is to take it slow.  Start out with group activities to show that while you don’t want one on one time, you’re accepting them as a person and truly enjoy their company.  Girls, while the guy may not come with you to the salon to get his nails done, you could play wingman/wingwoman for each other on your night out with your friends.  Guys, asking her to watch the football game at your place while you get hammered with your boys may not be the ideal situation, but coming to your place to grill out on a nice afternoon with a big group is a smart innocent play.

There you have it, follow these steps as a guideline to kick off that friendship.  Remember, a friendship is very much like a relationship.

It involves trust, communication, the ability to share a bond, and taking time to grow.  You have to want the friendship to work if you expect it to.

What do you think?  Can it be done?

I received this forward the other day and it’s too funny not to share.  This was apparently written by little kids (and my thoughts).

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”

• Alan, age 10 (don’t forget beer pal)

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”

• Kristen, age 10 (my dating a religious person article is for you)

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.”

• Camille, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.”

• Freddie, age 6 (have fun at that star trek convention)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.”

• Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

“Both don’t want any more kids.”

• Lori, age 8 (that’s your fault princess)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.”

• Lynnette, age 8 (you mean if you stop talking long enough)

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”

• Martin, age 10  (you are going to be fine kid…)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.”

• Craig, age 9 (I should add that to my ending a bad date list)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.”

• Pam, age 7 (*cough*gold digger*cough*)

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.”

• Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.”

• Howard, age 8   (can you say “child support”?)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need someone to clean up after them.”

• Anita, age 9  (slut)

WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?”

• Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.”

• Ricky, age 10  (I couldn’t have said it better myself)

“I love him, but I’m not in love with him.”

“We have such a long history, there is no separating us, he will be in my life forever.”

Any of these sound familiar?

It’s in the back of your mind and you just can’t seem to shake it loose.  It’s not as if you’re talking to any of your ex-girlfriends anymore.  Every girl that has been in your past, has quietly bowed out with her time.  There are no phone calls, there are no text messages, and there surely aren’t any thoughts that pass through your head which incline you to reach out to them.

Her situation is quite the opposite.

The ex she dated for a number of years is still prevalent in her mind.  Like the bothersome canker sore, ‘never’ in your book would be the most convenient time for him to come around.  He’s the guy she goes to for advice, so the question always lies, is he for you?  Or against you?  Should you even care?   Should you give her an ultimatum?

Not if you want to be the guy she goes home with at the end of the night.

The best friend ‘ex’ can be very annoying and could spark questions of trust in your mind.  Squash these fears quickly, for you’re only heading down a path that will lead you home empty handed.  A relationship is built on trust, and you need to ante up if you plan on playing the table.

Even if she is talking to him, take a step back and look at the whole situation.  At the end of the night, in whose bed is she sleeping?  Realize that she is now with you, and her past is nothing you can change, nor control.

Don’t try to be his replacement, just let the relationship grow naturally and eventually you’ll be the confidant and white knight all rolled into one.  That, and you won’t look like a control freak who is trying to run her life.

Have confidence in yourself and your relationship, it’s what she’s looking for in a guy who is Mr. Right.

Before you know it, you’re being asked to hold their nephew’s legs at the Bris, or you’re hauled off to church in order to absolve your sins.

There is nothing wrong with following your faith if it makes you happy.  But what’s the path to righteousness if you’re not religious and the person you start dating is their respective religions favorite customer?

Hand in your exit interview and bow out gracefully.

The last thing you’re going to want is someone telling you you’re going to Hell for your sins or that you need to pray five times a day to Allah.

This is one of the deal-breakers that you need to pay attention towards early on in a relationship

Before you drink the holy Kool-aid, you should realize the responsibility that comes along with dating someone who is very religious.  Religion to them is a top priority, if not the number one in their lives.  You’ll need to respect it and learn to live with it (in some cases even convert to it).

If you’re not prepared to do this, the person you’re seeing may not be the best match for you.  Some religious people won’t even date outside of their realm, so if you somehow creeped in the door, the odds are already stacked against you.

While some people are neither here nor their with their respective beliefs, the hardcore crowd will always have their heat turned on full blast when it comes to their faith.  Don’t knock it, respect it, and quietly move along if it’s not your thing.

It’s your safest, and holiest, way of traveling.

There are many different flavors of festivals out there.  From relaxed culture centric, wine festivals, to great opportunities to meet other singles at the Old St. Pat’s fest.  Whatever you are looking for, these festivals are a great place to take a date due to the high level of interaction, social aspect, and the relaxed atmosphere.

Here’s the breakdown:

Pro’s –

People Watching – Walking around at a festival rivals the entertainment walking around at an airport.  Somehow it always seems to draw the most interesting of people.  Whatever your style is, you’re bound to find the opposite at different festivals, and that always makes for great people watching.

Easy Conversation – With so much going with the food tents, exhibits, and music, you won’t have to rely on the notes you wrote on your hand to keep the conversation flowing.
Group Interaction – Meet your friends there or make new ones.  Festivals are always fun in big groups.  You can even see how your interest works with all the interaction.

Con’s –

Chicago Weather – We all have heard it… if you don’t like it, just wait five minutes.  Well for those Lollapalooza go-ers this year, five minutes never came.  Despite the killer music, the rain and heat were hard to ignore.  You are at the mercy of the weather… rain, shine, heat, or random act of snow, so be prepared to make last minute changes if necessary.
Less focus on each other – With so much external interaction, the date will probably be more about what is going on rather than getting to know each other.  This can be a good thing later on down the dating path, but for first dates, curiosity is an ever-present thought.

While there are some small downfalls to a festival, it is overall a great place to take a first date.  There is a lot to talk about and it can end up being a great time interacting with one another instead of the traditional dinner date.

Click here for a list of upcoming festivals.

Overall 4/5 Stars

Always a tried and true path, trying to date someone that already has your friends approval puts them a few steps ahead of a random that you meet on your night out.  As long as your friend has decent taste in friends… which I would hope you think so… then it never hurts to roll the dice and give it a shot if you think a mutual friend could be a potential interest.

The sticky situation can occur when things don’t go as scripted.  Their phone calls spike past ‘ok freak, ease up’ volumes, and you realize that there is no way you can see any potential.  What happens when it doesn’t work out?

The most important thing you need to remember, is to stay calm and don’t flip out on your friend.

Just because things aren’t what you imagined, your friend should no way be on the hook for the bomb they hand delivered.  There is no way to tell which two personalities will truly mesh.  Even opposites attract!

Another important and courteous thing to do is leave your mutual friend out of it.  The last thing they signed up for is playing relationship counselor for the two of you.  They will not want to be in your ‘trust tree’ with the ‘nest’.  Be grown ups about it and work the situation out yourselves.

Even with a rocky end and the knowledge that you will have the ‘pleasure’ of being in each others company again due to the friend situation, you have to keep your heads intact and be civilized to each other.  Avoid keying each others cars, verbally abusing each other during your run-ins, and spreading rumors within your circle about the crazy stuff they yelled out in the sack.

Going out with a friends acquaintance is a special treat that you should treat as such.  Even though you’re not skipping down the yellow brick road together, doesn’t mean you should tear it up and repave it with dark asphalt.  Be cool and respectful, or it could be the last time your friends ever pimp you out to one of their peeps!

Once he had her hooked in, much like the underrated caliber of Subway Choco-Chip cookies, he threw down the surprise of a century.  He asked her to a wedding… for a first date.

Now I’m not too sure what was going through this guy’s head.  How does asking a girl to meet your family, entertain your friends, AND get to know you on first date help your chances?  If anything, something like this will get a girl running faster than if she had the hounds of hell nipping at her heels.

So this inspired me to come up with a weekly treat for these people.  We’ll come up with ideas for a potential date and discuss the pro’s and con’s.  Since I’m not creative with names, we’re going to call the series “Weddings are a Terrible First Date”.

Now I would start with the dinner and drinks, but that’s too obvious.  Plus, dinner dates are always awkward for a first date.  Even if it’s a comfortable atmosphere and you can pick the locale to suit your tastes, you can always spot a first date couple out to dinner.

There are always two different types of eaters… the first date eaters and the everyday eaters.  Physical body language, the use of utensils, and the close guarding of either of you not wanting to look like a greedy pig is always an element that both of you must handle.   Stick to dinner as a second date.

Today’s date idea:  Live Music

Pro’s –

-  You can get a feel for someone’s musical taste.  Music is the soundtrack to life.  Pick a random location, random night, and random band.  Love the music or hate it, both of you can become music critics overnight.

-  Lots of interaction.  These venues are a great place to people watch.  You can see how your personalities mesh out in public without having all the attention squarely on the two of you.

-  Built in conversation.  With music and bands, people can talk forever.  Music is one of the few threads common to the entire world.  You can get to know someone very well by finding out their music tastes.

Con’s –

- Loud atmosphere.  It will be hard to converse while the band is playing, so conversation may be limited in between songs.  Stay away from deafening your date by screaming in their ear all night.

- Awkward dance moves.  Should you dance wildly with your arms flailing?  Should you casually sway?   Head straight to the pit?  This one will be an executive decision, best to take note of the crowd and follow suit.

Overall  5/5 stars

This is a great date idea because of the interaction and getting to know each other factor.  Some great places to check out are Double Door, The Metro, or Martyr’s.  There are plenty of small venues to choose from in the city which can suit your taste.  Discover a very important side of your date throughout the night and if it doesn’t work out, maybe you’ll find your new favorite band!

Have date ideas you’d like to share?  Good ones?  Terrible ones?  Don’t be shy and email them to parag@crushme.com!